7:08 PM
1:31 PM

The music has stopped though. What do I listen to now?

1:30 PM

I’m in an excellent mood. The house is cold enough that I’m dressed in long sleeves and sweatpants. I can listen to music as loudly as I want. I’m cleaning the house. And I’m going to bake a cake later. Good day alone.

1:26 PM


In the Canadian province of Alberta, it is illegal to own less than five cowboy hats

(via saansastarks)

1:06 PM
How To Pick Up Girls


  • lizards

(via zecretary)

3:31 PM


i’m that dad who wants to start a garage band with all the other dads in the neighborhood but my wife wont let me

(via drakkar-arze)

3:26 PM


Bad credit? No credit? First time buyer? First time baby? No legs? 8 legs? You a spider? Are you a Spider trying to buy a house?

(via pizza)

2:02 PM


introverts experience uncontrollable vomiting at the sound of any voice that is not coming from their own internal monologue

extroverts will talk to people until their jaw physically disintegrates, at which point they will continue emitting sound like a foghorn

(via zecretary)

2:01 PM


"What’s your favorite album, or book?" "I really like Metamorphosis, I think it says a lot about the human condition and psyche." "Yeah I love Franz Kafka." "Oh no, I was talking about Hilary Duff’s debut album."  

(via drakkar-arze)

9:55 AM
9:54 AM


i am perfectly fine with having other people sit on my lap but i can’t sit on other people’s laps because i’m always paranoid that i’d crush them and they’d diE

(Source: prismaticpeonies, via plantastically)

4:56 PM nice friend person: hey, how've you been?
me: capitalism is crushing me. i am barely surviving. i am full of toxic resentment. i want revenge.